Did You Go Off-Grid, Rach?

 

Well, the short answer is no.  We did not go off-grid.  But we did have our fourth baby!  I birthed a sweet baby boy at the beginning of December.  Have you ever had moments of feeling like your brain just. cannot. handle. one. more. thing?  This is how I felt in the weeks leading up to this baby's birth.  The autumn and holiday season felt like it zipped by at an alarming speed.  We did our schooling on the couch with cookies to make things feel cozy and special.  We played outside and learned new woodworking skills.  We baked and shopped and cleaned and nested. I did forty million loads of laundry and pondered adding in a sixth person's clothes.  I silently plotted to paint our bathroom.  It didn't happen.   

Before the baby was born, I had total and complete tunnel vision for all things birth-related.  I prepared and prayed as I sat on my birth ball.  I ate the dates, drank the red raspberry leaf tea, took evening primrose oil, and did *parts of* the Miles Circuit.  I did all of the exercises to get baby to move into the correct position and engage.  When I was finally in labor (40+6), my stubborn tunnel vision served me well.  I absolutely refused to hold any tension in my body and totally limp-noodle-rag-dolled my way through every single contraction. The baby came 3 hours and 20 minutes later.  I found (read: find) myself reliving my natural birth often, with feelings of awe and fondness.  

How can I relive something that intense and painful with fondness?  Because the Lord strengthened me through the overwhelming pain, and it was by His Grace that I was able to endure.  Transition is the hardest part of labor, and in life, as it turns out.  But if we are able to refuse to white-knuckle our way through, if we are able to let go of attempting to control every jolt of pain, and become malleable in the hands of God, things move more smoothly.  It is less painful to lean into the pain than it is to resist the work that needs to take place to bear fruit.  The slow stretching is protecting you from greater injury.  Resisting the pain of Divine transition in our lives means we are at a greater risk of danger to our own selves and others, suffering more intense pain as we rebel against the process, delayed recovery and restoration, damage to the fruit, wrong timing, and death.  Saying, "I will go through what You need me to go through to bear this fruit," is a brave prayer.  But our safety is found in our submission to the Will of God. 

Recovery has been easy, and I have been taking things slowly on purpose.  We now have two boys' birthdays at the beginning of December, intermingled with Thanksgiving, another family member's birthday, Hanukkah, and Christmas.  This season requires some intentional slowness for us.

All of this slow-as-molasses living meant that I did not finish my planned blogposts or unit study releases for any of the feasts, Thanksgiving, or Christmas.  Despite trying to slow everything down, here came The Season, rip-roaring past like a tsunami of baked goods, tinsel, and twinkle lights in one massive wave, crashing onto the living room floor and leaving behind the wrapping paper scrap debris in the blur of one sleep deprived Christmas morning.  New babies during the holiday season make for a wild ride, y'all!  This Christmas tree is staying up until summertime at this point.  I like the warm glow and it all whisked by way too fast for my liking.  

This entire last season of life has seemed so transitional.  I'm thankful for the shift God has brought in this New Year, and I'm thankful for where He is leading.  But, just as I look back on the hardest parts of the birth of our fourth child with gratefulness, I look back on this last season of life.  We don't always know exactly when seasons of transition will end, but we do know that if we can thank the Lord for the difficulties, the struggles, and the pain, our hearts begin to change.

Are you brave enough in this new year to submit? "I will go through what You need me to go through to bear this fruit."

Shalom Shalom,

Rachel

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